literally had 100 drinks last night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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