This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
