I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
