I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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