They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
