Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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