from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
