I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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