i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
