Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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