you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Green mimosas i think yes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
