i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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