If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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