my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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