my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
