I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
home. puking in laundry basket.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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