i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
