You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
