she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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