Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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