xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
