It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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