We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
