ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
