The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
