She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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