Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
