All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
