I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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