your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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