You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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