I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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