I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
