i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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