He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
