i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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