if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
