Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thus making me awesome and them whores
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
