you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
