So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
