When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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