I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
