if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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