my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
