Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
