Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
