I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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