I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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