1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
