thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize