I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
