So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
