i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize