even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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