Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
