Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
