who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
