btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
