is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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