remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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