When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
