Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
