Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
