And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
